Because I Don't Know

“The New Testament is actually quite simple,”
The pastor with the Ph.D says to me in a room filled with books
About the New Testament by men with Ph.Ds.

And I ponder the first chapter in the New Testament
A genealogy that scholars debate and some would argue
disproves infallibility,
Because some generations are missing or excluded...

And I reflect on twenty centuries of Christian history
Defined by rigorous debate
Over almost every single verse of the Bible...

He tells me Christianity isn't founded upon sola scriptura,
But the Gospel - “God saves sinners,”
But of course we must understand “Gospel” aright...

He says the Gospel is "is justification by grace through faith alone,”
Imputed righteousness, forensic justification, monergism,
But I don't find those phrases in my Bible...

“Yes, but the idea is everywhere (c.f. Eph. 2:7-8; Rom. 3:23-25;Titus 3:5-8...)”
But I know scholars debate the technical meanings of those passages
And I don't know the Greek to responsibly engage in that debate...

“Well does God save you or do you save yourself?”
I know God saves me - “for it is by grace you have been saved,
through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God...”

But if God determines I play some role in that salvation,
cooperating with the grace He gives me,
isn't that still salvation by grace, and not my works saving me?

Or does grace overwhelm even my will, and everything about salvation
is God's, and not mine?
So what exactly is faith? Is that exclusively God's too?

I thought we needed faith, and that it was ours,
faith to place in Jesus' death on the cross, and not ourselves,
But if it's all God's work, why do I even need to believe?

And round and round we go...
And men much wiser than I debate this
With greater articulation, and knowledge, and words I don't know

And I wonder if Christ Jesus our Lord
Wants his sheep confused about justification
And whether His righteousness is imputed or infused

For it is still his righteousness from which I gain my hope
And not my works; I know my efforts don't save me
But how that salvation is applied is “beyond my pay grade”

And so I have two options...
To pretend like I have absolute confidence and certainty
that I know what Paul meant by “justification”

...or be intellectually honest, and
admit my lack of knowledge and my propensity to err
and accept that most, if not all that I believe...

Is taught to me by men smarter than me
And that I believe what they tell me is true
As if they have authority from God on high...

But which men have such authority, to be believed as though infallible?
Probably not men with Ph.Ds,
Studying in rooms filled with books written by men with Ph.Ds,

For I know plenty of places like that,
And they all disagree with one another,
While the sheep wander about confused,

And I can think of only one other place...

Matt. 16:18-19